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show starting post by butterfly22
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 in response to Schmidty...   Hey there my dear Schmidty:--I am so glad I decided to check out aidpage this AM and was hoping to see some old friends to talk to and your all out here so I am thrilled. You know me Schmidty I can't let a topic like this just go by without raising me hand to tell my story. It's just my opinion which I changed after raising 2 lovely daughters. I always used to agree with what you just said Schmidty that women kept having babies for security or to make the man happy or for financial reasons. that my daughters are 40 and 27 I can honestly say that in my opinion young women (majority) are getting pregnant because their just not mature enough to remember to use birth control like the pills or a condom and in hindsite I wish that I had my daughter on a intra uterine device that would keep her from getting pregnant for several years or the little hormone sticks they put in your arm and will protect you for up to 3 years. Young girls are really like.."DUH" when it comes to not getting pregnant, they are simply not developed enough in their brains to consider the big picture, young men are the same in fact it has been scientifically proven that humans do not develope that part of the brain until the age 25 so in essence they can't really help it, their just to stupid brain wise to think of consequences. My sister and I were talking the other day and she said she cannot believe the amount of retired couples that they hang out with and travel with that can't travel or do the things they planned to do because of their kids moving back home and bring ing with them a new baby or a new girl/boyfrend and the retired couples are now the caregivers to the grandchildren so the kids can get a job. Well I don't know about that senerio but both my daughters chose to leave my home at the age of 17 and I told them both that the only way I would support their decisions is if they got the more permanent birthcontrol that didn't rely on their brains to keep them from concieving. AND....the big thing I made quite clear is once you leave YOU CAN"T COME HOME to live only to visit and we all have a very loving relationship ......they have told me how glad they were that they went along with my rules. OK I've jabbered on long mamashe/sheshe
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 in response to Schmidty...   It's a very misguided and "mistaken belief" behavior and action, both on a conscious and unconscious level, in my own opinion, which never results in the outcome the female had desired or intended. It's along the same lines of a female believing that they can somehow "change" a man, using the idea, belief and hope that they are "the one" who will be so much better than every other past relationship .. and with that great love, being "perfect" - whatever that may look like for each person, situation and relationship - they will have this power that no one else had, to transform the male into what they wanted, thought should he be, etc. And when it doesn't work (and it doesn't), the female becomes increasingly resentful, among other things. There seems to be something "wired" into the female brain that says if this or that man fathers our baby, then we are "more loved" or "better" than others, and then, by default, they will then stick around for both the baby and the mother. Obviously this does not usually come together in the way hoped and intended, and everyone is left angry, resentful, and in one another's life for a very long time. Just because a man father's a baby, it does not guarantee love for the mother, and there really seems to be a disconnect and denial with this fact for many females.
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 in response to Anonymous40784...   I hate to say it but I think that they have seen enough people on welfare or heard about them that they figure having children is their safety net if the man does leave, or they don't feel like working. I only mean some of them but I think that the number is growing.Pop ut a couple of kids and they don't have to work for 18 years or so.

How have you been?

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 in response to Schmidty...   Hi Schmidty,

That is a valid point.
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 in response to bleu232...   Women will always be left holding the bag.
Alot of females in this generation will not listen to warnings of danger down the road.
So, I guess they will just have to suffer the consequence.
I guess the only thing we can do is to just keep warning young ladies of the dangers.

Thank you for helping me to understand.
Talk to Anonymous40784
Hi my name is T. I just found this site and I cant believe all the people in need that I'm almost embarrashed to ask but here goes. I have always lived a good, content life with a roof over my head and a career. About 4 years ago, after I left my husband, my son(16 now) and I met someone who dramatically/horribly changed our lives. I was beaten to the point that I was in a coma (I have a blood clot in my brain), I lost my son to social services for 1-1/2 years (defestating), lost our home and my careers due to my bad judgement of a man. All the while, living in Domestic Violence Shelters for years. In the last shelter, I managed to get a wonderful job and climbed up the ladder, got my son back and we moved into an apartment. All was great but then the wonderful company I worked for downsized leaving me jobless and homeless for 6 months since July. I receive unemployment (not much) and rent a room for my 16 yr old who is an awesome child, on honor roll and varsity basketball and self. These people are scandolous and kiniving and heartless people. They are forcing my son and I out by the end of this month (April). My car broke down last November. So bottom line is I have no job, no car and no where to live and Ive been online everyday looking to rent a room for my son and I BUT NO ONE WANTS TO RENT A ROOM TO TWO PEOPLE. I need any kind of help anyone can provide. We must stay in the city of Placentia/Yorba Linda for my sons next year (Senior) to get any full scholarships to fulfill his dream of being the next Michael Jordan. My son is unbelievable and I know he will be what he sets out to be but we need your help in any way possible. Forever grateful
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High Ladies, I'll give my point of veiw of why the woman keeps having babies even though she has no job, etc.
Now, this is my own personal opinion so if you get mad, get mad at me, I'm only speaking for myself. I think that women think that if they keep pushing out kids that the man is more likely to stayand it's giving him what he wants. The idea of keeping the family together for the kids sake. I think that is why a lot of women get pregnant in their first year. If I give him a kid he'll stay with me, I gave him a child, and of course he's getting what he wants.. Believe it or not, I have pondered that same question and that's the only reasoning that I could figure. In the olden days it was more for a large family and they didn't have birth control. They don't have that excuse now day's.

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 in response to Anonymous40784...   There low self esteem. 3 kind words in a row and they lay down. I dont get it but I also dont get why the man doesnt use birth control either. Both are responsible. Why are men not using a condem for more reasons then birth control. Both are responsible but its the women left holding the bag.
Talk to bleu232
 in response to lyds...   You won't go to jail for unpaid debt.
Talk to Anomaly
 in response to bleu232...   I can certainly understand being in love.
Yet, there is so many birth control available.
We as women still have to use our brains.
I can understand ONE error in judgement, but what about women to go on to have many kids with no husband?
Better yet, how can we get these women to 'think' before having kids.
Do you have any suggestions how we can help these women 'before' they make kids?
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 in response to Anonymous40784...   No you are talking about a women that had a child out of wedlock? What must she have been thinking? She probably believed the man that was on top of her that said he loved her and would be there no matter what.
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 in response to NikkiK...   Nikki...Hello come in. Sorry if you took offense? Who wouldnt? Let me ask you if you know how a women concieves? Women make children they cannot afford and live off the ex's paycheck. What is wrong with this picture? Man and women must have sexual intercourse to then have a child. Any man or women worth there salt will see to it that the children are raised no matter what. Please tell me you are not one of those men that sit in the bar complaining about paying for child support.
Talk to bleu232

 in response to NikkiK...   Hi NikkiK,

I have to agree with you. We are responsible for our actions.
I don't understand either: why so many women will have kids out- of-wedlock, when know that they have NO job, NO skill, NO education & NO way to take care of their kids.
I just don't understand that mentality.
Maybe, someone can explain it to me.
While you're at it, please explain to me "why some people get mad when other people don't help them with their kids. They get upset, scream & say terrible things to other people.
I mean, did other people help them "make that child"?
Why do they want another woman to spend her hard monies on them. Especially, when that woman had to work hard to get a skill & work hard, long hours. That woman would have like to stay home with her kids too. But, she had to work. So, why would anyone think that she would desire to give her monies so some other woman can stay home with her kids.

I'm not being rude, I just don't understand this mind set.

Note: I'm not talking about those who were married & found themselves divorced or widowed. I'm not referring to those who planned well or those who became a victim of circumstances, disabled,etc.

Please explain.............

Talk to Anonymous40784
I am the only bread winner in the family Iam 25 years of age. I look after my parents and the welfare of my family. My wage cannot not afford to meet all my bills and i need to pay them if not they will take me to jail for unpaid bills I have only one week to come woth something. please help
Talk to lyds
 in response to Pattacane...   You must be much more intellegent than I .... AZ? Really?
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I am sorry if you took offense to that, I was being very serious. I think that it is great advice. This is what a large amount of women do, make children that they cannot even afford to raise, live off of welfare, live of off ex husbands paycheck, and do nothing to take action for their own responsibilities. There are many ways to get your self some independence, but first you need to wake up and realize what got yourself to the place you are in now. Make a change. Take a stand.
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 in response to NikkiK...   GOT to school? Maybe you should get that stick out your az and get back to school yourself
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 in response to NikkiK...   That was not very nice. Please dont make rude comments ,it hurts the moral of people
Talk to bleu232
 in response to lucke...   Then get a job, got to school, pay off your debts and quit making babies for a paycheck.
Talk to NikkiK
I have been on my feet since I was 16 years old and recently lost my job at Christmas. Im about to lose my vehicle because I cannot make payments on it, and also have credit card debt from a previous marriage. I wished I knew what to do! It is so hard and I would give my last dollar to someone else that needed it more than me but when im in need of something there isnt anyone there for me..
Talk to jw1982